Thank you for riding the CTA

It was my first day back to work in about two weeks today, and what I really missed is rush hour. Thankfully, the CTA spiced it up for me by increasing both incompetence and fares while I was away.

My morning ride was pretty uneventful, other than a delayed Red Line train and a strangely unidentifiable smell in the Jackson tunnel (usually the stench is unmercifully familiar).

My evening commute was really a treat, however. In transferring to the Red Line from the Blue Line, I noted the tell-tale sign of another delayed train: the platform was so crowded as to be nearly impassable. Then, the overhead speakers sounded a note much like a phone ringing. An effeminate man's voice came over the loudspeakers:

"Attention CTA riders: At this time, all trains are running on time. We thank you for your business."

OK, not only is that statement a near impossibility with the sheer number of rush hour trains running coupled with the ineffectiveness of the CTA in general, but from the exasperation issued from the platform crowd, clearly not true.

When the train finally arrived, I was lucky to squish in. The frustrated young woman running my particular train kept screaming to the would-be passengers trying to squeeze onto the crowded cars that "there is an immediate follower," something that clearly contradicted the vaguely homosexual voice that issued from the stations assuring us that all trains were running on time.

There were a few other unexplained delays, a blackout at Sheridan and an equipment failure at Berwyn. A woman behind me questioned the fare increase, saying to no one in particular, "We paid $2.50 for this??"

That, however, is the wrong question to ask. If the CTA's problems magically disappeared after a fair increase, we Chicagoans would surely be a happier bunch. For that day, at least. But six months or a year later, when Ron Huberman comes shuffling down the aisle asking for another fare increase, we would be incredulous. If only by their ineptitude, the CTA proves it needs our money.

I did not share this with the woman, as she did not seem interested in what she did not pay $2.50 for. Were I interested in engaging in conversation with strangers on public transportation, I might have said this:

"Do what the signs say, lady. Stand clear of the doors and thank your lucky stars they completed the 3-track operation. It could, and probably will, be worse."