Indy rock: A review of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

After seeing Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I was torn. The anthropologist in me said, "no," but the Karen Allen look-alike in me said, "yes, yes, yes!"

It was certainly more National Geographic than Indiana Jones that enticed me to get my bachelors in anthropology, but I did grow up loving the unlikely romance of action adventure and lost cultures I found in the trilogy. Sure, the less-than-soothing bedtime story of the ignoble savage irked me some, but I've always been a sucker for ruins and a good rickshaw chase.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a workable update of the last three movies in the Indy saga. Much is familiar to fans (evil fascists who want to use ancient knowledge for personal gain, protective native peoples, improbable but entertaining whip maneuvers) but something else leapt out as I watched the movie. Steven Spielberg was ripping off a nut job from the sixties.

Erich Von Daniken wrote "Chariots of the Gods?: Unsolved Mysteries of the Past" in 1968 to prove, using misunderstood artifacts from ancient times, that aliens sparked human development. One of his ideas gets top billing, that the Nazca Lines, pictograms created on valley floors in Peru which can only be appreciated from the sky, were veritable landing strips for alien visitors. His theories have been widely debunked, but he still makes appearances for wacko groups like the Archaeology, Astronautics and SETI Research Association who no doubt want to be on the right side of the coming alien invasion.

The problem with Von Daniken is not that he's a crazy writer and pseudo-soft scientist. It's the implication of his theories. He maintains that Mesoamericans weren't smart enough to have accomplished all that they did, and must have mated with aliens to gain their current human status.

I'm not saying Spielberg is necessarily culpable for revisiting Von Daniken's skewed view. Spielberg dutifully leaves intergalactic sex out of the equation and makes a point to say his funny green men are from "another dimension" and not outer space, no doubt to distance himself from Von Daniken's overt racism and Area 51 fanatics alike.

Would it have made for a better movie if the writing team included that fact that Mesoamericans bound the skulls of royal babies so that they would grow in an elongated, alien-looking way? I mean, I find that stuff fascinating, but I don't suffer under the illusion that erudition translates to box-office bucks.

Putting aside the fact that she's the only celebrity anyone has ever said I resembled, Karen Allen conjured a charmingly believable older version on Marion (if only I were 56 and had a dimple on my chin! Sigh). The rest of the acting in the film was charmingly unimpressive (Harrison Ford looks tired, Cate Blanchette's accent was a disappointment, etc.).

The writing was paltry, but above average for an action film. The writers shone brightest when mocking Cold War ethos and nukes.

The special effects varied widely. An exceedingly cheesy scene where Shia LaBeouf swings through the jungle with anthropomorphic monkeys is immediately followed by a gut-wrenching fire ant scene which left me curled up in my seat, brushing away imaginary insects.

Overall I enjoyed the newest edition to the Indy family of films. Go see it. Just be sure to bring popcorn, and leave your BA and sense of indignation at home.

Countdown to cancellation

I've tried to cancel my Sun-Times subscription several times, but those darn call center people are so persuasive. So, in preparation for my phone conversation tomorrow, I thought I'd organize my thoughts (don't think this means I'm switching to the Chicago Tribune, either. The New York Times will have to do, at least for the summer).


Top ten reasons I'm canceling my Sun-Times subscription:

10. Pointless pictures of other people's pets.

9. Commuter newspaper for some reason obsessed with cars (pothole patrol, Autotimes, continual gas price coverage).

8. Richard Roeper pretending he's better than Michael Sneed. Really they're separated by Roeper's use of complete sentences. Stick to the movies, bucko.

7. Mary Mitchell disguising her prejudices by exposing other peoples' prejudices.

6. Talk Back: the section for readers who are too crazy/illiterate to handle writing a letter or email.

5. Robert Novak's mere presence.

4. Paper only makes it to my door 57% of the time, though I pay for daily delivery. Funny, the delivery problems started occurring after the Sun-Times farmed out the service to Tribune Co. Coincidence?

3. Michael Sneed's overuse of "to wit," "translation," and "Obama drama."

2. The new "How I'm Saving Money" segment: a pandering distraction from a deeply troubled economy which goes largely uncovered.

1. Drew Peterson and R. Kelly's rotating front-page coverage.


...to The Watchdogs, Mark Brown and Abdon Pallasch: check you online, homies.

Don't Bush it, buddy.

Ariana Huffington recently reported John McCain told her that he did not vote for Bush in the 2000 election and that he only nominally supported his run out of obligation to the GOP.

While McCain quickly denied the story, it was confirmed by several sources at the party, including, get this: two cast members from the presidential drama The West Wing. Jed Bartlet for president!

Even without confirmation, I don't know that I would've denied the story so quickly. Bush's campaign made some shockingly nasty attacks on McCain and his family in the run-up to that election including accusing him of being crazy and fathering an illegitimate black child. Talk about putting swiftboaters into context!

With Bush's approval ratings falling to historic lows, rejecting the current administration may be McCain's only chance.

There's a lot of talk lately that Clinton's supporters will shun the polls if she doesn't get the nomination and vice versa. Can John "McGain" from the animosity?

Let's say Clinton is Democratic nominee. How can McCain capture disaffected black voters? Well, his association with Bush isn't going to help.

"You would have to get a really finely tuned GPS to find any African Americans who approve of Bush," David Bositis, a senior research associate at the Joint Center for Economic Studies, told me.

In fact, the headline of a recent Gallup poll says it all: "Bush May Be as Harmful to McCain as Wright is to Obama."

And what about the more likely alternative of Obama being the blue candidate?

Kim Gandy, president of the National Organization of Women wrote in a recent "Below the Belt" column:
"What if we end up with a Bush sequel that looks frighteningly like the last eight years? If Sen. John McCain becomes the next president of the United States, he will carry on Bush's tradition."

Considering she refers to the Bush administration as the "Conservative Misinformation Network," it's safe to say she'll make it to the polls for the Dems even if Clinton isn't the nominee.

It may turn out to be impossible for McCain to remove himself from the Bush hook.

"The Democrats have no intention of letting him put any distance between himself and Bush," said Bositis. Not only that, Bush lovers may be McCain's only chance. "If he doesn't have their support, he doesn't have any at all."

However, this alliance may a "what have you done for me lately?" case.

As I've written previously, the "campaign finance candidate" is in a fair amount of campaign finance trouble. Not the Clinton kind of trouble, mind you. Quite the opposite, McCain might have too much money. The FEC is due to rule on whether McCain can eschew the public funds he asked for when his campaign was desperate for money.
The FEC hasn't been able to rule on it, however, because they didn't have enough members to reach a quorum. McCain appealed to Bush to restock the FEC so that the matter can be resolved. Bush complied, with a cherry on top: he dumped chairman David Mason, who had indicated he didn't see things the way McCain would like.

If Bush can't get McCain any votes in the electoral college, perhaps the FEC is the next best thing?

Well, let's just say the FEC is no Florida.

"This election is going to be about a referendum on George Bush and Bushism," said Bositis. "And it's going to be a negative verdict."