Indy rock: A review of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

After seeing Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, I was torn. The anthropologist in me said, "no," but the Karen Allen look-alike in me said, "yes, yes, yes!"

It was certainly more National Geographic than Indiana Jones that enticed me to get my bachelors in anthropology, but I did grow up loving the unlikely romance of action adventure and lost cultures I found in the trilogy. Sure, the less-than-soothing bedtime story of the ignoble savage irked me some, but I've always been a sucker for ruins and a good rickshaw chase.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a workable update of the last three movies in the Indy saga. Much is familiar to fans (evil fascists who want to use ancient knowledge for personal gain, protective native peoples, improbable but entertaining whip maneuvers) but something else leapt out as I watched the movie. Steven Spielberg was ripping off a nut job from the sixties.

Erich Von Daniken wrote "Chariots of the Gods?: Unsolved Mysteries of the Past" in 1968 to prove, using misunderstood artifacts from ancient times, that aliens sparked human development. One of his ideas gets top billing, that the Nazca Lines, pictograms created on valley floors in Peru which can only be appreciated from the sky, were veritable landing strips for alien visitors. His theories have been widely debunked, but he still makes appearances for wacko groups like the Archaeology, Astronautics and SETI Research Association who no doubt want to be on the right side of the coming alien invasion.

The problem with Von Daniken is not that he's a crazy writer and pseudo-soft scientist. It's the implication of his theories. He maintains that Mesoamericans weren't smart enough to have accomplished all that they did, and must have mated with aliens to gain their current human status.

I'm not saying Spielberg is necessarily culpable for revisiting Von Daniken's skewed view. Spielberg dutifully leaves intergalactic sex out of the equation and makes a point to say his funny green men are from "another dimension" and not outer space, no doubt to distance himself from Von Daniken's overt racism and Area 51 fanatics alike.

Would it have made for a better movie if the writing team included that fact that Mesoamericans bound the skulls of royal babies so that they would grow in an elongated, alien-looking way? I mean, I find that stuff fascinating, but I don't suffer under the illusion that erudition translates to box-office bucks.

Putting aside the fact that she's the only celebrity anyone has ever said I resembled, Karen Allen conjured a charmingly believable older version on Marion (if only I were 56 and had a dimple on my chin! Sigh). The rest of the acting in the film was charmingly unimpressive (Harrison Ford looks tired, Cate Blanchette's accent was a disappointment, etc.).

The writing was paltry, but above average for an action film. The writers shone brightest when mocking Cold War ethos and nukes.

The special effects varied widely. An exceedingly cheesy scene where Shia LaBeouf swings through the jungle with anthropomorphic monkeys is immediately followed by a gut-wrenching fire ant scene which left me curled up in my seat, brushing away imaginary insects.

Overall I enjoyed the newest edition to the Indy family of films. Go see it. Just be sure to bring popcorn, and leave your BA and sense of indignation at home.